Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Iām going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.