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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Insert coin to view my status message.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.