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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.