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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what