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really vry funny
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
My favorite beer is an open one.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"