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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.