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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy