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If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?