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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.