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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.