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My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
The older I get the better I used to be.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.