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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)