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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......