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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
I never finish anyth...............