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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.