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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.