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RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
why we do not have a romance class...............
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"