Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
heyy lol
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.