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Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.