Daily Silly Status

I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready

First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!

Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.

I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.

You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself

A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.

I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.

Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.

When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"

Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."

Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.

Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.

Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.