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I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.