Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means Iām not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.