Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)