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Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.