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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
I say the things better left unsaid.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.