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My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!