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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.