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I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.