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Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?