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I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(