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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.