Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!