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Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
A leaf blower, but for people.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
why do i feel like you are reading this
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.