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Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome