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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.