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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.