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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.