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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
All milk is breast milk.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.