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I just called. To say. I texted you.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.