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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.