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Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.