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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes