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People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.