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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.