Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.