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Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!