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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.