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What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.