Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.