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Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.