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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
Own the day
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.