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Iād be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside