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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.