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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.