Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.