Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.