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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.