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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.