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I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."