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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.