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Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.