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Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.