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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.