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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever