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Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.