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My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes