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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.