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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy