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I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
The best things in life require no pants.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.